Camp MahairsmellslikeaNASCARfan

It was all about camping/canoeing in Ocala National Forrest this weekend. We left out Saturday morning and didn't get back for three days. Maybe it was only one night. It was hard to tell. However long it was, we all had a great time. There were ten of us - five guys and five gals. Just the right mix for romance out in the woods.

Let me see if I can sum up the trip for you. Jessica said, "Let's go camping - Yeaaaaah!" Beth said as we drove, "But the canoe is about to fly off the Volvo! Where's my sweater?" Israel said as a truck rushed twenty feet from our campsite, "Let's get our money back from that she-devil and camp somewhere else!" Erin said, "You all launch the canoes, we're going to find the perfect campsite in Juniper Springs." Joe said, "Yes! They're finally back, let's get these canoes zig-zaggin'!" Camden said after twenty hours of canoeing upstream, "It sure takes a long time to cook supper on the engine of a Chevy Tracker!" Jen said, "You guys stay up and write all the dirty words in the air with burning embers you want, we girls are going to bed in the love nest." Tim said, "Wakey, wakey. Eggs and bakey." Mark said, "Why did it takes us two hours to get to Ocala, and four hours to get back?" Finally I said, "I smell like a rack of ribs."

I still smell like a rack of ribs. Beth smells so much like a chimney sweep, I called her "Gov'nah" and she started singing, "I went campin'! Step in time! I went campin'! Step in time!" and jumped into the stove.

Later that night, we all gathered at the spacious estates of the rich and famous Israel Hill for a little Super Bowl action. I asked a question that didn't get much discussion, but I can't stop thinking about it. I think it's a valid question. Is sport coverage the most authentic thing on TV? Everything else seems to be polluted with some type of slant. The news is slanted, reality TV is fake, and game shows are just loony. There's just not much you can slant about a football game is there? I don't know, it doesn't really make that big a deal if it is or isn't, it's just interesting.

I've got to go, that chimney sweep is wanting a "tuppence for bread" again.

It's Friezen!

Those Friezens are cool folk. We had TJ and Ginger over for supper tonight. Beth made me proud with one of her awesome meals again. She made some rolls that demanded to be consumed in multiples of four. I think I had 20. TJ had 24.

We took TJ and Ginger to the Twisty Treat for some authentic Winter Garden dessert. While standing in line with the other 47 people who had the same cravings for the Twisty, I felt those 20 rolls demanding to be heard, so I had to run across to the Long John Silver's to make sure things were going to be ok. So I barge into the bathrooms and as it turns out, it's a single bathroom (only had one john) that was occupied. Let me make something clear - it was occupied but the door was unlocked. So I barged in on this Indian guy's private moment.

As I stood outside waiting for him to finish up, I wondered, "What does a person say to the other person in a moment like this? Maybe I should leave until he gets out just so I won't have to say anything to him." And then it dawned on me, "I'll let him say something first. Wonder what it will be?"

About that time the door swings open and in nervous, freshly-learned English he says very politely, "Thank you so much."

No, Mr. Anti-Lock Bathroom Guy, thank you.

Reentry

We're back on the tube. I hate to disappoint anyone, but it wasn't much different today. We didn't have much time for a movie anyway. The only chance I had for TV was right after supper and I read "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" instead.

I did catch my first music video. The new U2 video for "All Because Of You" is incredible. Go watch it on iTunes, or see it here. It was made while they played on the back of a truck driving through New York City. I remember Owen talking about them giving a concert downtown off the back of the truck and how he happened to be out of town for that.

We hung with our buddies for a little bit tonight, and had a good discussion about how the fallen-ness of man means that I'm fallen. In other words, the problems with the world are rooted in my own fallen-ness. The problem is me. Fortunately, that also makes me a part of the solution. We've been discussing chapters from "Blue Like Jazz" by Don Miller.

Day Thirty-One ~ It's An Enchilada, Baby. Wrap It Up!

Here it is. The credits are rolling. The lights come up and the crowd starts to move out. It's the end of this little experiment that went surprisingly well. I can't say I haven't learned anything, and I can't say it wasn't worth it.

This whole Retreat was for the basic purpose of just seeing what I did with my time. So let's see. I ended up reading a good deal of the late evenings. I read "The God Who Is There" by Francis Schaeffer. (Remember the four page blog entry that followed?). I re-read "Amusing Ourselves To Death" by Neil Postman, which further concreted my sneaking suspicions of what TV robs from me. I nurtured my growing love for Bob Dylan music by reading "The Bob Dylan Chronicles" by the man himself. This book ranked number one for the month. Go read it. I finished up "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac. My final review on this one is that the book is worth the characters. I would recommend it.

I'm sure that my reading would have been significantly lower if I had continued on with life as it was. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have finished a single book this month. I would have started a few, though.

I played so many more games with Beth. I know that when I look back on this month, and tell great tales to our ten children about The Great Media Retreat of 2005, I will definitely include the many nights Beth and I sat in the living room listening to Bob Dylan belt out something about taking away his highway shoes while Beth hunted me down in Scotland Yard. For those of you keeping score, she beat me at almost everything.

I must also say that I've become quite acquainted with the old hand sandwich - this is, my harmonica. Beth got me a whole set of them for Christmas, and I set a goal to play a song of Dylan's on the guitar and harmonica at the same time. I'll have you know, I reached my goal just last night as I played on the guitar and harmonica AND sang "All I Really Want To Do." Beth is still trying to decide if this is a pro or con.

One of the best things, and Beth talked about this in her interview, is that Beth and I have spent way more quality time with each other. Practically every supper was spent just face to face talking about ideas, houses, friends, and how annoying my harmonica playing has become. For a while when the weather was nice, we were biking every day when I got home. Side by side we pedaled as fast as our little running sticks could pedal all over Winter Garden. These moments alone (and I'm serious here) convinced me early on that TV is completely meaningless to me compared to what I've got with Beth. This is the main reason we're practically doing away with TV programming.

I've been pretty productive too. We're way into the home buying process. We would have been looking into it even with TV, but I know I was able to get an earlier start just because of the evenings I spent looking things up and setting up contacts.

Remember my worry about Friends? I worried that this Retreat would isolate me from some of the buddies I hang with because a lot of what we all do is go to movies. They've all been awesome. We've had game nights, parties, kickball games, cookouts, tree burnings, and plenty of just good ol' fashioned chitting the chat. Thanks, friends!

So I read back through this and it sounds a little like I'm tooting my own horn. I'm not. It's just that I'm convinced a month without TV and movies leads to better things. I really mean that. I think that if you are a fairly reasonable person, you will benefit from losing media for a month.

I've decided to keep this blog up for a little while, just to comment on what "re-entry" is like. Plus, it will keep me accountable while I try to implement my new convictions. So you're welcome back any time.

It's late, but fortunately I don't have to go into work tomorrow because I took the day off to sit at home and watch all the TV I missed while I've been doing this stupid experiment.

I kid. I kid.

Day Thirty - Inside The Blogger's Studio

There's always two sides of a story, and this Media Retreat is no exception to the rule. The whole time I've been finding things to do without TV, my lovely wife, Beth has done the same. So I thought it would be nice to have a live interview with her, James Lipton style.

I'm sitting here in the computer room typing away. Beth is laying down in the floor, hands behind her head, ready for the first question.

Are you ready?

Mmm-hmm...I'm getting sleepy. I need a pillow. There's a light bulb out on the fan.

Please welcome with me, Beth Hill. {Applause} Beth, if you had one word, and one word only to describe this past month without TV, what would it be?

I have to choose. Are you writing down what I say? (Tried to delete that last sentence.)

Well? (After stubborn silence.)

Super-duper. (Sarcastically)

Seriously.

Gooooood. (Like Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty). I don't know...I would say "excellent."

What made it so "excellent?"

Getting to spend all my time with you, and not feeling like I had to compete with the TV for conversation. I felt really close to you this month. We had the freedom to do what we wanted....or something like that. Besides, I just like to be busy and work and be creative.

Yes, I know you do. On to the next question. "Into the fray!" as some may say. Hmmm...What is the next question?

You said you knew the questions already! (Laughs at me)

I do! What part of TV or movies did you miss the most during the last month?

Just being able to veg out when you are absolutely zonked and brain dead. Like after working at 8 seconds.

You didn't miss your soaps?

(Laughs) Silly, I don't watch soaps, unless you consider Oprah a soap. And even then, I never watched her every day. I did miss Perry Mason! (Laughs)

Perry Mason? Who are you? Granny Hill? Did you miss Dragnet too? Next question: Was this whole Retreat even hard for you? I ask this because I know you grew up watching hardly any TV, so maybe it was no big deal to go without it for a month.

I guess I missed movies, but only because you introduced me to them and got me hooked. Plus, I kinda got addicted to TV, too. But not soaps.

What's your favorite color?

What is my favorite color? Currently it's orange. But it varies between that and other Fall colors.

When you get to Heaven, what do you hope God says to you about this Retreat?

Uhmmm....Hey! Don't put "Uhmm." (Kicks my chair) ...uhhh....I think he would just say "Kudos, for trying to make better decisions about how to use your time."

God would say "Kudos?"

Yes. Is that OK? Are you wanting something different?

No, it's perfect. Last question and the question apparently on everyone's mind: "Are you pregnant?"

Not to my knowledge. No, I'm not pregnant. Well....time will tell. (Laughs)

Ok, the real last question: How many books have you read this month and what are they?

Oh my goodness....are you serious!? (Walks out of the room to go look at the book shelf; Hollers from the next room.) I finished "The Idiot" (Dostoevsky). "The Gift Of Pain" (Dr. Paul Brand). C.S. Lewis's: "Out Of The Silent Planet," "Perelandra," "That Hideous Strength," and "The Dark Tower." John Grisham's: "A Painted house," "The Testament," and "The Summons." So that's nine.

Impressive! Thank you, Mrs. Hill for your kind cooperation. Indeed, you are a delight! {Applause}

Day Twenty-nine ~ Happiness Is A Warm Gun, Mama (Bang, Bang, Shoot, Shoot)

Lock and load. Take a breath. Hold it. Steady your aim. Slowly squeeze. Son-of-a-BAM. Son-of-a-BOOM. That's how it all went down today at the grove. Israel, DTM, Tim, Mark, and I went out there and shot at oranges, a stand up of the Easter Bunny, and our trusty print-out of the man we labeled *{censored for protection}*. DTM had his foot long knife out there too. I am one of the very few who can boast that they've seen Dan fire a shotgun with a huge knife strapped to his leg. I'm sure the pictures will be leaked on the internet. That shotgun! That thing really will tear stuff up. We shot four three inch holes in *{censored}*!

The fun didn't stop there. Beth's mom found a little nest of baby mice and saved them for my snake (currently named Potiphar's Wife). There were six little babies we fed to him tonight. We sat there listening to them squeal as they went down one by one, wondering how we got to the point that things like this didn't make us feel terribly ashamed of ourselves. All I can say to try to justify such shamelessness is that Beth watched too. I think she even giggled.

I'm about finished with "On The Road." It's a good book. It's well written at least. The story is basically about this group of beatniks who just travel around the entire nation looking for nothing in particular. They make trips from New York to LA for apparently no reason at all. They smoke a lot of weed along the way. The guys find girls to neck along the way. And they steal and bum free rides along the way. It's interesting to see into that generation (the 50s). The book is proclaimed as the voice of the beatnik generation. I'm hoping that the story has some sort of conclusion, but then I remember that the whole beatnik generation didn't come to any conclusion, so why should this book? Homework: Read "On The Road." Watch Fight Club. Write a two-page essay of how they relate. I honestly see a lot of the same ideas in both. Ten bucks says that the writer of Fight Club was influenced by "On The Road."

Hmmm. I was actually joking about writing an essay, but now that I sit here and think about it, that would be very interesting.

Day Twenty-eight ~ The Green Mile

Here it is standing right in front of me like Goliath, spitting at my feet and cursing my God. It's my D-Day. It's my Green Mile. It's the final weekend without the easy entertainment of the 75 gallon box in the living room. It could be the roughest weekend yet. It's supposed to rain pretty much the whole time. I should at least finish my "On The Road" book, and I'm thinking about finishing off the neglected short film script Israel and I have in the works. We might even make it back out to the lake to shoot the guns. So bring it, weekend.

Kim asked whether I'm going to keep the blog up post-January. I've been asking that myself. I'm not too keen on the idea of just keeping a blog for no particular reason. I'd like to find something to blog about. I couldn't find anything to retreat from for the month of February. So I guess I'm still debating on whether to keep up the blogging or not.

People have also been asking what I'm going to watch first. I'm debating. I want to watch something I haven't seen. We've got a free movie ticket so I think I'm narrowing it down to either The Aviator or Million Dollar Baby. Wait, what about Finding Neverland? I don't know. Of course, the first night off the Retreat is Tuesday, and Tuesday nights we're usually out. It may not be until the end of the week before we see anything.

As far as regular TV goes, I'm going to try to go without it for as long as humanly possible - an hour a week at the most. So I don't care what TV program I see first. Probably Arrested Development on Sunday.

Back to the subject at hand: this weekend. Who wants to go unload some lead into fruit and cardboard boxes?